Yeah, It’s me. The “rational” part of your brain.
Listen, we need to talk.
You know that red/pink liquid you found on Bear’s head? Well, it’s NOT blood so calm the fuck down. It’s just fruit punch you dumped on him while you were loading the dishwasher earlier. Remember? He was under your feet trying to help you clean the dishes you were loading.
I know, he’s awesome like that.
So, to reiterate, fruit punch. Not blood.
There is no need to run around the house screaming, “ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawdmybabyisbleedingtodeath!” like a fucking maniac.
You don’t need to call your mother, your roommate and the vet’s office.
…if you do call them like a raving idiot, please call them back later, once you’ve come to your senses, explain your stupidity and apologize. repeatedly.
P.S. You’re such an idiot.